My Boss

This describes my boss almost exactly. It's really nightmarish, but in a shaky economy I'm scared to make a change. There are times when I feel like he is literally stealing my energy, it's outright awful. I'll just be on the phone, making a sales call, then suddenly I'll feel completely drained, shaken, even anxious, and I'll turn around and see him behind me, moving away as if he was focussed on something else. Ugh. He's actually the owner of the company, but he also is the manager. Recently I've been focussed on improving my mind, my reality, so forth, and have found that whenever I leave work, all of my efforts seem to be for naught. It's concerning, which is what led me to research how to deal with it (I discovered this page as a result of that search).

Comments for My Boss

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Mar 01, 2009
Blamer Boss in Disguise
by: Anonymous

Wow - I can't believe how true your comments are!

I actually have a Blamer Boss that is hard to detect. For a while, I couldn't figure out why I was always so drained and defensive. The reason is that he disguises his narcissism very well. He portrays to the whole world that he is a highly affirming and empowering person. I think he even believes it himself - NOW THAT IS TRUE NARCISSISM!!

He even talks about what a great boss he is. But consistently gets his jabs in, suggesting that I have major competency flaws. What's weird is that he praises me to everyone else, but once we are back in the office, he makes me feel like I mess up constantly.

He has absolutely NO respect for my privacy. He doesn't want my husband to call me at work - at all - even for two minutes! If my husband does call, he'll plop himself down right in front of my desk and stare at me and make me feel very uncomfortable until I am off the phone.

One of the most draining things is that I constantly have to watch my back and keep evidence of everything I do. If I don't keep a backup or a paper trail of everything, I'll get thrown under the bus. I cannot tell you how many times I've had to go back and pull up evidence to defend myself. It's ridiculous!

He even made several inappropriate comments and would come up and massage my shoulders and comment on how nice I looked. When I confronted him once and then took it to HR, he tried to make it look like I was the one with an issue. HR only gave him a small slap on the hand. Ugh! Thankfully, the harassment has now stopped.

I've been looking for another job for a while, but the job market is so bad. I'll continue to look until I've finally found an escape.

Jan 18, 2009
Blamer Bosses
by: Catherine,


Bosses that are blamers are incredibly draining. You have to deal with them differently than other bosses as well. They think differently so what would work with a regular boss doesn't work with them.

You probably find that you have to do things EXACTLY the way he would. Even if you get the same result, that's not good enough. It has to be done the exact way he would.

And, they're well known for micro-managing and being very suspicious (almost paranoid) of their employees. You have to be very careful of what you say so that it's not taken as being critical of him.

It definitely helps if you're aware of what type of personality you're dealing with and the best ways of handling them. That way, you don't get caught up in self doubt or losing your self confidence which can happen if you don't understand what's really going on. If you don't know then you can end up thinking it's all your fault or that you're incompetent when really it's the relationship with the blamer that's not quite right, not you at all.

You can always keep your eyes open for another job. Update your resume, be prepared if you hear anything kind of thing.

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