why am i angry?

by kristy
(lenoir nc)

i am always angry!!! i have been angry since i was a little girl. i am always mad. i get mad over every thing! i have seen doctor over doctor, and weirdo after weirdo, the place i live in sucks. the so called "doctors" think about putting you on medication but when the medication doesnt work they blame you, saying "well i dont beleive the medication is causing your deperession," bull!!!!! every medication they given me
breaks me down to the lonley crying thing, i get so deperssed i dont care whats around me. i get mad at my grandmother, mother, my little brother, my boyfriend, the cats, the dogs, ppl walking down the street, my friends, everything and even me some times!!! i have gotten so out of control i will hurt who ever or what ever is near me. when i get really mad my eyes go from green there normal color to yellow like a cat. i black out on the sound and i lose some of the things i do. i only remember pieces. i thought my bf was cheating on me when i looked in his messages on face book, it felt like i was going to have a heart atack! i remember hitting him then the next minute im sitting out side next to the van crying and pulling my hair out. i have wanted to be normal all my life, but its like im am alien or a monster. to make matters worse im 14 weeks pregnant. i cant remember the last time i was happy.
i cant remember anything but being angry all the time. i feel the need to hurt some one so bad i go crazy, i think of how i can hurt some one. ive had dream where ive killed ppl and liked it. this is my only hope, can some one please help me? is there any one here who goes through the same thing i do?
please some one help me before i hurt some one very bad
please??????????

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Jun 22, 2009
anger
by: Catherine, www.Life-With-Confidence.com

Hi Kristy,

Sounds like you need a hug. So, Big Hug for you.

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why you're so angry? And, then waited and listened for the response? If you answer something like, "Because I thought my boyfriend was cheating on me" you haven't gone far enough. People are just triggers for your emotions. People don't make you mad. It's you responding to something that makes you mad. An event is just an event. You decide what it means. It could be good, bad, or you just don't care. But, you make the decision as to what something means. So, you need to figure out your response, not the actual event. Hope that makes sense.

So, what's the real emotion behind the anger? The anger is just a sign of something else going on. So, when you thought your boyfriend was cheating on you, what was the real fear behind that? That you'd be abandoned, or that you weren't good enough, or that you were being rejected or what?

Also, is there a certain time you remember from your childhood when you started to become angry? Was there a certain event that happened that you've never been able to let go of?

I know you've said that you've been to doctor after doctor but have they checked all your hormone levels as well? Sometimes, when your hormones are out of whack, it can cause uncontrollable anger.

I read recently as well that they're finding that some children who have food intolerances will react with uncontrollable anger. So, maybe check out your diet as well and see if you've been eating something that your body just can't take. Wish I could find the article for you. It was quite interesting. I'll look around for it. I think it also mentioned that they were finding adding omega 3's etc. helped as well as avoiding things like aspartame.

But, you definitely need to keep working on figuring this all out. You can't keep going on this way. You have a lot to offer the world and your anger is just getting in your way. So, there's a solution to this, you just have to find it. It will be so worth it to you as well when you do. So, just let me know if I can help in any way.

Catherine



Jun 27, 2009
the answers to the qwestions
by: kristy

ok, well when i was little, my mother would have to leave me at one out of 6 ppl who she had to care for, she was never paid because this was our family. then when i was 8 years old she had a boyfriend, well 2 weeks before my b day he moved in. the night of my b day he raped me and every night for 10 years,when i turned 18 i set a plan so my mom could catch him, i have tried to tell her but she never believed me until that night.
after she confronted him he told her the truth, she waited 3 days before going to the cops, and now we can't find him to arrest him. i meet 2 guys, one i dated for 3 months and he acted as if he was a 12 year old when he was 21, then i broke up with him, waited a while and i didnt even wanted a guy until i met my babys dad in school we have been together since January, and we're still together, i am 3 1/2 months right now, the mood swings havent changed since i got pregnant, i would love to get as much information as possible. please help me i hate living like this, my email is [removed for privacy reasons]

please u have given me more help then any one else and i thank u for that.

Jun 27, 2009
it's not your fault
by: Catherine, www.Life-With-Confidence.com

Hi Kristy,

I'm so, so sorry to hear that happened to you. You didn't deserve that. And, it's not your fault. Huge hug for you.

The good news is that you do know where all the anger is coming from. That's a really good first step.

Now, when you get angry at other people, you'll be able to realize that a lot of times, you're not really mad at them at all. You're really mad and hurt at what happened to you in the past. That awareness will help you a lot. Also, being able to acknowledge where your anger is coming from will help a lot as well. Working with this awareness and acknowledgment will allow you to move forwards with your life instead of getting stuck feeling so hurt, angry, and confused all the time.

The next time you feel angry, try to "watch" your anger and take a step back. Don't just go with the feeling. Pay attention to it. Ask yourself what are you really feeling? Are you feeling anger or hurt or what? Identify the feeling. Give it a name, "I'm feeling angry right now". Explore it a little. You'll probably go further and realize, "I'm feeling hurt right now". Doing this will help you to detach a little from the actual feeling so that you can start to work through it instead of allowing it to control you so completely.

Your emotions are guides. They're trying to tell you something. You don't have to go with the feeling and let your emotions rule your actions. It's more about being aware of them and listening to what they're trying to tell you.

Were you able to talk to a counselor about any of this? It might help if you could talk to someone one on one and work through all your feelings.

You must have so much anger towards a lot of people. First your mom's boyfriend, but also your mom for letting it happen and not believing you, and also probably a little bit at yourself. Forgive yourself. You did the absolute best you could under the circumstances. It wasn't your fault and you didn't deserve that to happen.

Don't let the anger destroy you. Work through it and turn it around so it makes you stronger. Don't let that creep take away all your personal power and that's what's happening right now. You probably partly feel like something was done to you and there's nothing you can do. Let's work through that to have you take back your power. That was a horrible thing that happened to you but it doesn't define who you are. You do that. You choose who you're going to be and what you think about yourself.

You're a beautiful, wonderful spirit and you just need to let that come out again.

Huge hug.

Jun 28, 2009
Anger
by: Anonymous

I get angry also. I do not want to hurt others but I do want to hurt myself. Hug Hug Kiss Kiss that is all a bunch of crap. You have a chemical imbalance, need to be on a nut ward for awhile until they can get some meds that work.. I have had so much love bable crap piled on me and the people spouting it are the first ones that would mow you over for a dollar. Face it, the world sucks and you need some meds to deal with it. At best you will only slightly feel like crap the rest of your life.

Jun 30, 2009
You don't have to feel angry all the time
by: Catherine, www.Life-With-Confidence.com

Hi anonymous,

I can totally understand why you're feeling so angry and feel like the only option is drugs and maybe then you won't feel crappy all the time. I was an incredibly angry person for years and years and I just didn't get it. So, I know what it's like and how frustrating it is. It feels like nothing you do makes any difference. It's also such an incredibly draining way to live. Being angry all the time takes an incredible amount of energy and just consumes your entire life. And, I can tell you, it doesn't have to be that way. There are lots of other options available to you.

I started to explain all the reasons I think that people end up feeling angry all the time and how some of them may relate to what you're feeling but it got waaaaayyy too long so, I decided to post it on a separate page and you can read my complete response here: www.life-with-confidence.com/feel-angry-all-the-time.html

But, I definitely don't agree that there's no hope for Kristy and that drugs are the only option for her. I also don't think that's the only option for you. You don't have to spend the rest of your life feeling angry. You really don't. Take a look at my response. If you'd like you can respond here or at the bottom of the response page.

Jul 18, 2009
the meds?????
by: kristy

you think i havent tried pills??? i have been on so many and i have had even more problems. i tried ths one pill and i coulndt think i couldnt do simple things anymore with hurting myself, cutting somthing, i cut me, i tried to drive and i almost killed my self because i forgot the gears, the gas and the brake it was like a 2 year old behind the wheel. i coulndt be around my brother, i would hurt him and i was on medication!!!! i have been from a to z on the pills and they dont help me. what in ur right mind thinks they can find somthing that will when i was there 2 diffrent times? ive realized yeah i need help, but here i cant. no one cares exept for the money they dont care if u like them or not, they just give it to u to run up ur bill so they get more money in there pocket. i dont want pills not ever agian, and im going to have a son in december, i know i need help and this woman has helped me more then anyone ever did. im slowly trying i cant take big steps, its a little step every time, u miss one and u fall back to where u were. maybe u need help. my e mail is qweengreen at yahoo. please talk to me. thank u!!!!

Sep 13, 2009
dear why am i so angry
by: Anonymous

i have been struggling with something very similar i have gotten so bad i have almost been divorced or think im dying and im only 24 i have a 2 year old i went through alot of stuff with my step father he was very mean to me growing up but i still get very angry i go from 0 60 in about a sec i dont no why doc have tried to put me on meds but i wont do it but i have learned to recognize it when its coming and control it its very hard but u can do it especially when u have a kid u cant just flip out any more cause there always there shes the reason i can control it most of time

Nov 10, 2009
I can relate and I am lost too
by: JJ

I have three daughters now ages 1,3 and 6 and by the way I am done having kids. I am now 31 years old as as you will see from the following I still haven't figured out a lot, so hopefully someone out there can help me. I love all of my kids and would give my life for any of them if necessary. My problem is lately, only at the oldest, I can't stop being angry at her. Now that I have read the postings on this page I am starting to understand I am not really angry at her, I am angry at past issues of my life. I only have a problem with my oldest daughter because she is the only one that acts and behaves exactly like me. None of this is easy for me to say because I feel embarrased of my bahaviour but I want to put it out there so I can get some help so I can stop hurting my daughters feelings. After seeing one of the previous postings, which was the most helpful information I have ever read, I started trying yesterday to ask myself why I am mad all the time at my oldest daughter and the answer I arrived to is I don't want her to be a failure like her mom. and I sort of also kind of realized I am not really mad at her, but I am mad at myself and I am still wondering why am I mad at myself, hopefully by my next posting I will have figured that out. But I also had a troubled past. My parents separated when I was a baby, I was sexually molested at the age of 4 by men that my mom knew, I was molested about 3 times as far as I can remember, luckily my Dad without knowing any of that(and I never told anyone, not even my mom) had me come live with him because he thought he could offer me a better life than my mom, who then got caught up with drugs and I never saw her again from the age of 5. My mom never made an effort to find me ever again and that hurts a lot. cont'd below

Nov 10, 2009
continuation to I can relate ......
by: JJ

Life with my Dad was good, he was a loving father and I never was molested again. But when living with my dad I had a stepmother who I feel treated me very mean and that is why in part I feel like I don't know any other way than to be mean and angry at my oldest child, I think because she resembles me so much. Just today before I walked her to school I was letting her get ready herself because she knows how to get ready herself and she has a chart that I made for her to follow for her morning routine. I said nothing while she was getting ready because I am trying to learn how to be patient with her and how not to nag at her all the time, but when I realized she had not done one of the things of the chart which was to do her bed, I started feeling those really angry emotions that I feel with her and because of that I did not speak a word to her when I was walking her to school, I was so angry I did not want to speak because otherwise I feel I would've only said something mean to her, and I know not speaking to her on the way to school was mean because she was asking me questions, but she has learned to keep quiet if mommy doesn't answer her question by the third time she asks. When she is at school and I think about what I put her through, it kills me, it eats me inside, I feel so bad about what I did that I feel like if I didn't have kids to take care of I would have already lost all hope. I feel like I don't know how to love her, be patient with her or simply understand her. I know I can be a good mother because with my other two girls I don't behave like that in any way. My other two girls take after their father in behaviour and personality and because I know that they will never turn out like me, I don't feel like I have to be after them all the time making sure they do the right thing. My biggest fear is to have a daughter that fels like I don't love her. I just want to learn how to give all the love I know I have in the same way to all my daughters. Please help.

Nov 10, 2009
Agree with Catherine
by: Michelle

To all the writers in pain on this page, your not alone. Although there are medications that have surpassed expectations with depression and anxiety, some of those meds have been proven to increase feelings of anger and suicide...so maybe they aren't for you. Counselling would help...but I found it was useless. I didn't want to graph out my anger, I wanted to know why it was there and how to get rid of it. The first thing...is to forgive youself everything. You are all you have...be good to yourself. Agreeing with C again, its easier to blame yourself and be angry, then it is to accept the situation (as bad as it was)- and grow away from it. Some key things I have learned (after attempting suicide over 7 times (yes, I know they were only cries for help)) is to believe. Believe in yourself. Trust yourself. Be HONEST to yourself. You are #1 and you can do it. If you feel angry, break it down. What is it that hurts? Why? If it was rape at a young age, that is something that WILL take a lifetime to repair...but the first step is saying it happened...and it WASN'T MY FAULT! If it was a destroyed relationship - write a letter and burn it. I write my mom daily. She didn't show up to my wedding, and hasn't called me since, won't take my calls etc. So I write her. How hurt I am...how bad I feel for not understanding why she didn't come...how much her actions kill me inside. Then, once I sign from "your loving daughter" I burn it...and its no longer mine, she can have the ownership of that. Don't give the anger a home in you. Tell it that YOUR the boss. Tell it that you've suffered LONG enough and you don't want it. If it comes back - only allow yourself a few seconds to admit the thought it there, and then tell your mind to wash it away. Give yourself 15 mins a day to pine over all the things hurting you in life...and after that 15, push it out. It takes a lot of work, but when you realize your in control of your life and youself, you'll feel powerful! Cause you are!
I'm sorry for the suffering out there...but you're not alone...and you are in charge. All change takes time...allow yourself that much!
Take care, I wish each of you all the best. May your kids be your reminder to keep going...its always hard but its worth it in the end!

Nov 11, 2009
angry
by: Catherine, www.Life-With-Confidence.com

Hi JJ,

You need to start with forgiving yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. You also did the best you could under the circumstances.

The other thing is that you've got something backwards in your mind. You say it hurts because your mother never made an effort to find you. I'm guessing you think she didn't try because she didn't think you were good enough. You've got it backwards. She thought she wasn't good enough for you. She thought she were so special and so unique that she was willing to let you go so that you wouldn't be hurt by her or her friends anymore and so you could have a good life with your dad. She knew she was messed up and wasn't able to be what you needed. She loved you so much that she let you go. She did that because you were so special and so important to her. You were the most important thing in the world at the moment she gave you up.

Give your daughter a big hug today and let her know how much you love her.

Then give yourself a hug and work on loving yourself again. You have nothing to hate yourself for.

Figure out why you hate yourself so much. If it is all due to thinking that you weren't good enough for your mom to find, realize that it was because you were too important to risk hurting any more.




Nov 13, 2009
I will try my best
by: JJ

Today was a good day with my daughter, where everything went well the whole day until I put her to bed, which is when I spanked her, nothing heavy, just three spanks with my hand on her bottom. I got upset that she had such a huge problem sharing one of her clean pajama pants with her sister for bedtime. Maybe this one was my fault afterall, since all of her sisters pajama pants were dirty. I guess none of this would have happened if I had just finished washing all the laundry. Gee, the more I write about this the more I find petty the reason why I spanked her. But this is what usually happens, after the wrong doing I regret it and feel like crap, if I would have to take a guess I would think that is my conscience telling me I went overboard again and that I let my anger get the best of me once again. I was so close to having a perfect day with my daughter. I will just try to get up everyday like I did today, but everyday I will keep on trying to end the day in a better way than I did today. Something tells me luck is on my side since I managed 10 hrs of the day perfectly, but just the last half hr went wrong. It might not seem much, but to me it feels like a triumph, because there were many days my whole 10 hrs were at war. What was special about today is I realized I will not treat my daughter in any way like I have been treated by people that have hurt me. I am kinda mad at myself for spanking her, I usually never spank, and if I could go back in time I would've controlled myself and switched the spanking to a time out.

I am thinking about what you said about my mother leaving me. I had never in my life conceived such a possibility that maybe she gave me up for the best because she loved me. It's kinda hard for me to wrap my head around that idea since I know no matter what, I would never give my daughters up, even though I know I am not the best mom in the world(but I do try my best), I would instead always try to better myself to keep my daughters with me. I am a person that strongly opposes giving your child up for adoption(and please don't get me wrong, I do know a lot of wonderful people come out of adopted homes), I guess I oppose it so much because I have always felt like I was given up, so the only way I can understand the idea of my mother giving me up out of love is by thinking that she did not have enough confidence in herself to realize she could have bettered herself so then we could have shared a life together. Last thing I just gotta say is that it is hard raising kids as a mom when you never had a mother figure to measure up or down from. So for all you out there who had one in your life no matter how bad, please appreciate that you had one, because now you have a bar to measure yourself up or down from. My stepmother doesn't count she was the evil witch of the west! :)

Nov 13, 2009
Question for Catherine about parenting?
by: JJ

Hi Catherine, I have questions for you .....
You seem to be such a nice person and me being a mom who sometimes is not sure of what rules to follow when raising my kids, can you tell me are you close to your parents and if so what are the the best three guidelines you can tell me that your parents followed with you, ie. spanking versus no spanking, how did they deal with sibling rivalry, and did they half-way, all or not at all let you make your own decision on issues you were mentally ready to handle? Because a would love for my kids to grow with the same insight and view you have on life. If you could give me some info, whenever you get a chance that would be great and thank you for answering my previous posting. Thanks, JJ.

Feb 26, 2010
ANGRY
by: Anonymous

I am always angry whether I want to or not. When I'm angry I just hit random people i goe p'd of really quick and hate it when i do. Sometimes i feel like lashing out getting a knid=fe stbbing someone to death. i play rugby and do karate to channel my anger but it seems to be more and more aggressive every time i play. i get angry when something doesn't go my way and i even sometimes get angry when everything i want is happening!

SO PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!!!! BEFORE I ACHALLY DO SOMETHING VERY VERY BAD!!!!

Feb 26, 2010
who are you really angry at?
by: Anonymous

Who are you really angry at? Ask yourself that the next time you get angry. Why are you really so angry? It's not the random person you just met. Just take a deep breathe, take a step back and see if you can figure out who you're really angry at. That's what you need to deal with. That anger is driving you. You need to take back control of it. You do that by becoming aware of where the anger is really coming from.

Aug 04, 2010
Dont give up.....
by: Mindy

I know what you are feeling....I have been angry all of my life too. I just came accross this disease called ODD it is typically diagnosed in children, but there are alot of adults who have it too. Look up Dr. James Sutton he specialises in this. Dont give up and dont be too hard on yourself, dont overbook your schedule and keep your stress low and your days based on your children. If you are stressed your more likely to lash out. I have two small children of my own and I am 7 months pregnant. Keep your chin up and google this disease your gonna be surprised when you start to read it and you see all of yourself. Then look for a specialist who knows and beleives that this is real who will work with you. Things will be better :)

Sep 12, 2010
Anger
by: Andrew

After reading all of the comments here I couldn't help but feel my anger was lame. I am not angry all of the time (at least, I don't think so) but when I do get angry it is a sight to behold.

Just yesterday I got so angry because my football team lost (can you believe that) and started throwing and breaking things. What makes matters even worse is that I lash out (verbally) at my friends who have nothing to do with it. I have burned up more friendships this way than I care to mention here. And, I won't start new relationships because I am afraid of destroying them as well.

The advice on discovering what is at the root of the anger makes a lot of sense to me. I know it's only a piece of what I am looking for but it's a good start.

I am proud of myself for being here and you all should be proud of yourselves, too. I've lived with anger all of my life and just now taking that first step to deal with it. Hopefully, you all will come to grips with it and be better for it. I wish you all the best and pass along a BIG ((HUG)) for you.

Sep 30, 2010
angry all the time
by: jessica

Lately I get angry when someone makes a comment I don't like or says something I don't agree with. If my husband says something that's it, I'm angry. If my sister doesn't understand what I'm saying, I'm angry and if my kids do something wrong or get on my nerves, I am angry. Just today my sister said something and I got so mad. She ask me "r u going through menopause?". I am just 23 and I have 2 kids. My husband is the type that helps me sometimes but not to change or take a bath to my kids. He has never been when I have deliver my babies but he works, is responsible on paying everything we owe. I lived with my both parents. I think I lived a pretty good life and I have some people just wanting to know what have I done with my life and just waiting for me to worsen. I really am so frustrated of myself I don't know what to do.

Oct 05, 2010
OMG THIS IS ME
by: MICHELLE

I am the same way ,sounds like I wrote this I DO ,say,feel and react the same way .DOCTORS and other people can't help ,everything make me angry,peoples voices,hair,clothes they way they walk,smells EVERYTHING so if you find an answer plz inform me....

Nov 19, 2010
Anger
by: Jas

Kristy you are not alone.

Dec 20, 2010
I'm loosing my FAMILY?
by: Anonymous

I am in need of advise. I am 24 and a very angry person. I don"t know how to control myself. My husband is leaving me because I become so angry and start hitting him. He is fed up. I love him and I don"t want to hurt him. I feel so bad after I insult him or anyone else. I don't want my son to grow up without his dad because of me. I blame myself for everything that happens because everything upsets me. I don't want my son to be traumatized. Its not the first time my husband leaves but he doesn't believe I am going to change. I have told him that i was going to get help but I don't have the money to see a therapist. I feel so worthless right now. He took all his things today and he told me that he is moving on but without me in the picture. Please help me!!!!

Feb 28, 2011
AARRGG!!!
by: Wolf

Hey there every one. From the outside it looks like I have a perfect life, I have a great family, I go to church and I have friends, well if you think that's me you've got me ALL wrong. Friend 1 and I have fought and made up so many times I can't count them. She left a scar on my arm, heart and mind. My other friend hates friend 1 and they fight often which makes me upset. I've thought about cutting and suicide. Only two people know anything about me, my best friend and God. I fly into rage fits and I sometimes get dizzy and stop breathing. I never told a doctor or my parents and I never plan too. I don?t think this is supposed to happen... What's wrong with me!!!!!????
Wolf (12 years old)

Apr 04, 2011
heyy i have the same way
by: maryam

i always get angry whn im angry i hurt ppl and all the time im angry till now i break things and hurt my friends i told them not to try to talk to me but they didnt listen soo i hurted then aloot and im always angry on my brothers , mom and dad i jst hate it i feel i wanna die better than living in this horrible world

Nov 27, 2011
Angry
by: Brittany Bartz

hi my name is Brittany Bartz
When I lost my dad I had a lost of a
troble with lost dad that what I am Angry
about that what angry about help thank you for
your time
thank you











Mar 26, 2012
THIS IS TOO SCARY PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY
by: Anonymous

I READ, AND I COULD NOT STOP. ME TO, I FEEL ANGRY ALL THE TIME. I TRY TO BLAME IT ON MY PAST BUT THAT HAS BEEN 3 YEARS FRREE.. WHAT I MEAN IS MY FATHER ALCOHOL/ABUSIVE, MOVED IN WITH BOYFRIEND EXTREMELY ABUSIVE ISOLATED ME FROM FVERYTHING. NOW 3 YR FREE. WITH A WONDERFUL MAN FOR A YR. WE LIVE TOGETHER. IM SICK WITH A TUMOR IN MY UTERUS ALSO FOR A YEAR STILL GETTING READY FOR SURGERY (NO HEALTHCARE REGARDLESS OFF EFFORTS) I LOVE HIM, WE ARE ON DIFFERENT SHIFTS, I FEEL ALONE ALL THE TIME. I WANT HIM AROUND MORE THAN AN HOUR THIS DAY AND NON THE NEXT THEN AN HOUR OR TWO ON HIS DAY OFF... I MISS HIM SO MUCH WHEN HE IS NOT HERE I JUST SLEEP FOR DAYS. I AM ANGRY, I YELL OR SCREAM AT ANYONE THAT IS CLOSE OR TRIES TO GET CLOSE TO ME ANYMORE, EVEN MY LOVE. THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPEN TO ME IS CLINTON BUT NOW... HE CRIES. I HEAR IT. I CAN TELL HE TOLD ME, HE SAID I MAKE HIM HAPPY BUT HE CANNOT MAKE ME HAPPY. I AM HAPPY WHEN IM WORKING, OR WITH AVERY (MY NEPHEW) AND RANDI (MYSISTER) OR MY DAD(HE'S SOBER NOW AND WE AREBEST FRIENDS) AND I AM EXTREMELY HAPPY WITH CLINTON WHEN HE IS AROUND, I DO NOT LIKE BEING ALONE. I FEEL . . . . ISOLATED, DEPRESSED, ANGRY, IRRITATED, HOMOCIDAL, BUT MAINLY....SUICIDAL. I HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS FOR A LONG TIME NOW. I AM SICK, BUT THE ECONOMY REQUIRES HIM TO WORK EXTRA HARD AND LONG HOURS AND I FEEL LIKE HE SHOULD SPEND MORE TIME WITH ME EXSPECIALLY SINCE I AM SICK. HE IS MY SOUL, MY BACKBONE MY STRENGTH MY INSPIRITATION TO CONTINE ON WHEN THE PAIN HURTS SO BAD I SCREAM SO LOUDLY AND STILL HOPE NO ONE HEARD, I CANNOT LOSE HIM! HELP ME PLEASE!!!! I LOVE HIM. IF SOMETHING DOESNT GIVE I AM GOING TO KILL MY SELF... NO RELLY. I AM GOING TO TAKE THE DAMN GUN ... ONE OF THEM THAT I OWN, PUT IT TO THE TEMPLE ON THE OF MY FACE AND PULL THE TRIGGER... NOT A COWARD AM I.. I AM SIMPLY SICK,, VERY SICK, LONELY AND ISOLATED , BUT MOST OF ALL I AM HURTING THE ONE I LOVE WITHOUT INTENT. HELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.. THERE IS MY SCREEM, CAN ANYONE LOOK UP AND GIVE A POSITIVE INSIGHT OR SOLUTION SUGGESTION? THE SAD THING IS, I SHOULD KNOW ... FOR I AM A COUNSELOR AND RUN A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIMS ORGANIZATION... AND NO ONE WOULD KNOW I THINK ABOUT KILLING MYSELF EVERDAY FOR AT MINIMUM THE PAST 6MONTHS. HELP ME CAUSE THIS IS NOT GOOD.

Apr 08, 2012
Burning Rage not just angry
by: Rage1965

i am so filled with anger i am afraid of what i might do. it is getting worse not better. i am 47 yrs old been in therapy and medicated for years. i have had the experience talked about above where i only remember pieces of what happened. i feel exhausted and confused afterward but still fully capable of going into a rage again if something sets me off. i know my reactions are my responsibility but at the time i am out of control. the rage is so strong it feels unstoppable. no amount of resolve to control it works. walking away only delays it for the moment. it is like it is brewing below the surface it is going to explode

Jun 01, 2012
geting angry
by: Anonymous

I am angry ,because my mom won't let me download google earth she thinks mosty everything costs money.

Jul 03, 2012
i agree
by: Anonymous2

i totally agree with anonymonous. Seriously if you carn't change the way you are the only way is to get some fucking drugs, cut the bull shit and give me the fucking meds!

Jul 27, 2012
So Sorry for all the despair and hurting hearts out there <3
by: Michelle

To Many hurting people:
It is so difficult when living with wounds or have scars left from continued abuse, but you are now the ones in the driver's seat. Although it may not feel like it. My heart grieves for all of you that long to feel love, comfort, safety, and a sense of liberation but only have anger, hurts, and scars from your pasts. So much despair that you rather not breathe anymore not to suffer anymore. It is so difficult to see past such heaviness and all soul-encompassing darkness. But you can.....first step is first. It makes it even more difficult because often precious wounded warriors don't want to take care of themselves. I don't.....and it takes all that I have to go to the doctors. Why? Sub atomically low self worth. However, if we wish to not hurt others or our children, husbands, boyfriends, or loved ones........you must reach out and get professional counseling. As many of you have already noticed: many times our emotional imbalances can revolve around a specific trauma or start off with. Sometimes our minds won't even let us remember anything, and we won't start to solve the mystery of why we are so angry, until we take time and seek help. Don't do it for you....do it for the people around you or your family. Perhaps this will motivate you more to seek help :) No one deserves to live in purgatory and constant torture, right? Of course, it helps to have a loving supportive family, but many times that isn't the case. As we have been part of or products from highly dysfunctional families. My mother was a Narcissistic Borderline Personality Disorder person who chose me as her scapegoat...Lucky me. My dad was a Militant Borderline and Vietnam Veteran. Threatening my life was part of normal child rearing for me....and my brothers and sisters. We have all suffered and it has permanently ingrained itself into our lives, but we can manage the depth, degree, and saturation of it. Fear of abandonment was/is huge for me. I've experienced all types of abuses, and we learn from our parents don't we? In addition to multiple wounds, we have the examples and brainwashed coping skills set by our dysfunctional ill coping parents to help us along in life. Doesn't make for a great probability for our life's equation. But if we are going to be able to limit the effect of our wounds to our children, and theirs, we must break the chain. Stop the chain reaction so that we can neutralize the possible impact of our wounds onto our loved ones. They won't go unscathed, as we effect each other's lives, but we can make a positive impact enough to battle this fight for them <3 So, call a psychologist, inquire about counseling, research on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and find the best surrogate parent out there for you, GOD. Read your bible and pray continuously, this will lead you to the freedom only he can provide you <3

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