Thank you!

I googled "How to deal with someone that blames you for everything wrong in their life" and got this article. I also saw an excerpt from the book listing some of the traits of "blamers" and their victims. I cried while reading it because it is dead on. My boyfriend of two and a half years is textbook. I had no idea why he acted the way he does. Everything in his life is someone else's fault, he contradicts himself constantly and only gets angrier when you point that out. When I try to defend myself and tell him I didn't say that or I didn't do anything he blows up. He makes up conversations we had where I was a jerk to him. Everything I do is to ruin his life and make him miserable as far as he is concerned. In reality, I do everything I can to try to make him happy, because he is so much nicer when he's happy. I couldn't figure out WHY I let myself be in this situation. Why do I let him make me so upset? Because he has me convinced that it IS my fault, that if I were a better person he would be happier. The truth of the matter is no one and nothing will make him happy. He will not change. When we met he was the most wonerful, sweet, amazing man I'd ever met. Shortly after we moved in together I learned how he really is. His friends have no idea, they think he's the best thing since sliced bread. For a long time I thought it was my fault, there must be something I'm doing wrong. I have recently decided to leave him and take back my life. I noticed that I am not the same person I used to be. I was never one to be walked on or treated as though I am less than. I used to have a life with friends and activities and now my world revolves around him. When he's at work I do nothing but sit at home. He's angry about working and blames me for making him get a job. He blames me for him failing out of college. He tells me he never gets to do anything or see his friends. In reality everything is always about him. We ONLY hang out with his friends and do what HE wants to do. If I have anything to say about it then it becomes the end of the world. I am buying the book this evening. Even though I have decided to leave him I think this will be an invaluable tool to deal with these kinds of people in life. It took a lot of courage to decide to leave but you just have to realize you do NOT deserve to be made to feel as though you're less than worthy. I am sure I will find someone who can appreciate me and love me without making me cry every day.

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Oct 11, 2012
Sounded like me for a minute
by: Anonymous

Reading this made me feel like I was reading all about myself,and the things i have dealt with over the years. The way you described is exactly how I feel, and im in the process of reevaluating myself. I blame myself for alot of thing, but then I think what am i blaming myself for?? I do the best i can to please a man that just doesnt forgive or want to be happy. He is very petty and childish.. its always my faults that are mentioned and said without saying hey i messed up to. I have been with this man for 10 years and its been up and down. In the begging shit was good but then i started to see a change. I cheated only because i felt lonely because he was out doing whatever and whenever. I was home with our kids. now that he know what i did and doesnt understand why i did it... its a problem and im at fault for his life being screwed up. all because he was there for me and i went to him to talk to him, and he pushed me away. I didn't go looking for someone else it just happen honestly. But i felt life again.. I choice to work out my relationship and each day for another year has been HELL.. he doesnt wanna do anything but criticize me tells me how wrong i was and i don't care. but here i am home being a serverant and i work full time thake of our kids, and i barely go out. its sad, but im trying to decide what to do... i can;t live like this. All his friends and female friends thinks he is the BEST!!! But nobody know what I know... and had i not cheated he would be still doing him being happy and i would still be miserable. because he didn't have feeling for them it makes it ok in his eyes, but i was just dead wrong. we have no communication amongst each because he yells and gets angry if its not liking to him. Im 11 yrs younger than him. he use to be the most charming caring thing ever he has a big heart but he has a very mean and evil side, and im not even on that toward him.

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