Self-Confidence and Anxiety

I'm 22 years old and have always had low self-esteem and high anxiety. First of all, I have no clue why I do, I have a great mother, have always had friends, and I know I'm not a bad looking guy. I am in a fraternity and well known by many on campus.

I have always been told I have a great personality and I'm nice to everyone as well. I'm not trying to brag because I would be the last person to brag, but I say all this because I have reasons to be confident I'm just not.

I have trouble being confident around girls I like, never knowing what to say or do next to try to get them to like me. I mean I'm 22 and I'm telling the girls friend to "try to hook me up" because I'm not confident or know what to say to do it myself without that fear of rejection. It probably doesn't help with the anxiety I feel a lot and I'm constantly over-analyzing everything. I feel like I am somewhat of a happy kid and I have a lot of fun being in college and just having a good time, but I just want to be that confident guy that I have wished I could be for many years.

Sorry this was so long, but its been a big issue for me and I hope someone can help.

Comments for Self-Confidence and Anxiety

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Feb 26, 2009
Getting people to like you
by: Catherine,


I think one of the keys is your comment that you're trying to get people (girls) to like you. I think that might be where things fall apart for you.

When you doubt your ability to please or get people to like you is when you start being self conscious and you stop being the real you. You start doing what you think they'll like or what you think will make them happy. It actually ends up having the opposite effect.

So, instead of thinking of how to make them like you, think of it as an opportunity to find out more about this person. What do they do, where have they visited in the world, what makes them unique, etc. Think of it as learning everything you can about this person. They may only be in your life for a few minutes or a few hours. What interesting things can you learn from them?

Also, what kind of person are they? Are they someone that you think would be a good friend? You don't want to date just anyone. They have to be a good fit for you.

So, it's not about getting them to like you. It's about being the real you and just getting to know the people you meet.

It's not about rejection either. You're not being judged. Most likely, they just want to get to know you for the same reason you want to get to know them. They want to know what you like doing, what kind of person are you, do you have similar values, etc. They may end up not liking you but if you're being true to yourself, then it doesn't matter. You wouldn't want them in your life anyway.

So, listen to what you're telling yourself. If you hear yourself worrying about being judged, then shift your thoughts back to trying to learn all you can about this person. Everyone is interesting in their own unique way. Start looking at people that way.

People will like you when you're being the real you. They don't want you to try and guess what they want. They just want you to be real.


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