Putting Myself Down!/why do I always blame myself????????

by Sue

If I had to make a list of the things I could feel good about myself for that list would be very slim. If I were to make a list of the bad things about myself I would have a list a mile long.........Sometimes I feel so inadequte and when ever anything goes wrong I know I have to be the one that has caused things to be that way. I put myself down all the time and just can never find any good about myself and just know that people don't really like me etc.

How can I over come all of these feelings and begin to feel good about myself. I am 57 yrs old, you would think I would have this mastered by now....... I feel like that saying "nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I will go eat worms!"
I have a loving husband and family I guess I just never learned to love myself. I am getting more and more over weight and I can't stand myself for that reason but continue to eat too much and exercise too little. Can you help me????????

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Mar 30, 2010
Focus on Strengths
by: Anonymous

I am sorry to hear you feel very negative towards yourself. I think a great idea is to consider your positive qualities or abilities that you have. I bet there are some that you began to hit that downward spiral. It's hard to come back up once you feel beaten down and the worst is when it's our own self that does it. But remember those abilities you used to enjoy and focus on those. It may have been a long time since you tried them but gradually (little by little) try those out again. For instance, activities like: gardening, cooking, painting and other hobbies.

I would also recommend using a journal too. Write out all those negative thoughts as soon as you get up in the morning (when the mind is most active) and then let it go. Sit quietly and start to spend time loving yourself again. Trying to focus on positive and affirming sentences: "I am a good and worthy person, I deserve to be happy" "I love me for who I am NOW, and I will work to where I want to be" etc.

Good luck to you. I hope these suggestions help!

God Bless.

~Shawn E Styles~

Jun 09, 2010
i feel down....
by: santiago

i dont know how to phrase my self here... btw i have quiting smoking last 6 month... i do great exercise.. because of my boss is my fren too.. he alway say bad thing to me.. every single day.. say im fat, i not good, all the bad thing is on me infront of other people.. since he is the boss, peaople say yes on that.. i so preasure with this situasion... i dont know last nite i bought marlboro light and start to smoke again... i eat a lot of junk food.. what i fight for last 6 month all are consider destroy.. i hate him... i hate him so much... i need to find other job, if i still with him i surely gonna die fast... i so stress with him.. his attitude so fuc**ng bad.... i so stress with him.. he think he good... actually he also some consider a bastard... only infront of certain people show him self so good... alway think he are so dam great... actually his not at all... because of my comitment i cant simply resign... i need to find some other job...

Oct 07, 2011
I'm feeling the same way,
by: Kate

Hi Sue,

I'm Kate from Singapore and I'm 17 this year. Currently, I'm sharing the same feeling as you're. No, to be more precise, I've always felt this way since young but the situation worsened this year and I feel myself falling into despair with low self-worth. In an attempt to help myself, I've been reading books and seeking for help and realised that all we're worrying about may not even exist in the first place. We're merely "unaware" (physically aware but mentally ignorant) about the positive aspects which we possess. Thus, we tend to be in a negative and self-denial stage, all trapped and unable to get out. I've been making little changes to my everyday life, such as saying three positive things to myself nightly, and I felt better. Our "determination" and confidence that we're not good may actually prove that we do have a strong mind and we can make use of it in the right way. Don't worry, we can conquer this inner obstacle together because life is so great and so are you!

Yours Faithfully,
Kate (:

Nov 18, 2011
Don't eat the worms!
by: Anonymous

I am the same age with the same attitude -- off and on! I know how to handle stress yet I get stressed! I know these feelings are just hormones and life affected and I know how to get rid of them -- but sometimes it takes longer than other times.
They say misery loves company... not really... but I felt a little better knowing someone else was like me and they are too reaching out to others just like I just did.
I bet you too have great things about yourself to be proud of and thankful for. Write them down even if you don't feel like it.
Look in the mirror and smile at yourself. Laugh out loud at yourself and believe it or not you will feel better. And you will have times when you feel like the song..."guess I'll eat worms." I know, because I sing the same song too -- off and on! Cheer up and smile! We are all going through the same thing. :-)

Oct 16, 2012
by: Anonymous

Big encouragement Kate! Needed to hear it.Rainn

Nov 18, 2012
I always blame myself
by: CE

I am shy and i don't have to much friend when I am in front of people i feel really bad.Sometime when I am joking with someone and i say something and the person answer i feel like i do something wrong and star worry..sometime I don't know what to do ,I stay mostly at home , I am always alone.just go to work and comeback to sleep or staying on my computer...I don't really know what's my problem.I always blaming myself for everything,I always put myself down when i am talking to someone i mostly feel shaking...sometime I feel like i'am a stranger in this world and i get lost. right now I am crying cause I don't know what to do .only God know what I am going through..

Dec 02, 2012
evrything I do is worrong.
by: Anonymous

Im very hard worker i work two full time jobs, and i dont understand evry thing i do is wrrong, I alwes do think for other people than for my self. when talk to someone i trye to be carful with my words and the tone of voies,evry body yelled at me for no reasen .please help me.

May 03, 2013
To all who put themselves down.
by: Anonymous

Hi. I know how all of you feel, I fight myself everyday. Everyday. And this hurts, so much. I've dealt with this all my life, and yes with each slip up I unconciously tell myself such negative things. Alot of the time my self worth is shot, and to be honest sometimes I think the world would be so much better without me. Others have told me other wise, but it's hard to believe. And I cannot advise anyone because I still go through this, but just know that you are NOT ALONE. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I continuesly have to tell myself that I am loved, I am beautiful, I am strong, I AM NOT ALONE. I just recently made positive pants. They are a pair of pants that have alot of positive words on it, like that I am smart, talented, funny, blessed, and loved. Anytime I think negatively, I must remind myself I lived; I'm alive, for a reason. I didn't die for a reason. I'm here because God chose me, before birth He saw me and said "This is my child, I will keep her. She is Loved by me." I have to remind myself that I survived at birth being 2 lbs. 3oz. Because He CHOSE me. If you go through something similar, then you are strong because you are alive. It takes an immense strength to go through this and come out saying "yes I hurt, but I have survived." He CHOSE you. Life is a gift, given to those who have the strength to bear it.
I am 18 years old, my name is Alantria, and I love you all. God Bless. :)

Feb 24, 2014
by: Anonymous18

i'm 18 and i've always never really had any self confidence at all, i have always hated how i looked or whatever never accepted any compliments i've been given.. it's not for attention at all i generally do not see myself the way others must see me! i never really realised how much i put myself down untill my boyfriend mentioned it, as i am forever putting myself down when i do something wrong or say something wrong i think i'm useless or an idiot! i constantly look at other girls and wish i looked like them, i'd change myself and looks if i could! i've been this way for a few years more as i've gotten older and i care what i look like, always worrying about other girls when my boyfriends out worrying about theres better girls out there better looking than me better personality! i just dont know what to do to make myself stop this, i don't do it on purpose it is just now how i am and i want it to stop my boyfriend said i quote 'you need to stop putting yourself down you will find yourself a lot more happier' but how do i do that, sometimes i feel like i've nobody to talk to when i get myself down about these things or whatever like nobody will get it or listen and will just think i'm seeking attention

May 17, 2014
Hey everyone!
by: Brandon

Since I have been taking the time off and doing things on my own, I am able to see what I am capable of. Most jobs out there do not teach you many skills, or at least ones that can really make you see what you can do. Well maybe it's just the jobs I have chosen. Anyways I have been drawing lately, and I cannot believe how good I can draw. It makes me see that I can do whatever I set my mind too, as long as I stop putting myself down. If I continue to put myself down and sabotage any attempts to succeed then I won't figure out what I can do, because you also have other people out there who will stand in your way, plus yourself. That is why we must learn to love ourselves and always be on our side, because if we can't then why would anyone else? You have to do what you have to to do because it's your life, and you need to know the good in yourself. Other people aren't living inside your body and living your life, you are, that's why you must find the good, and don't let yourself and especially anyone else get in the way of that. If we put ourselves down then we are going to let others, then we have to carry ourselves around feeling like shit because we are not sticking up for ourselves. We are forgetting about the awesome things we have done in our lives! We are forgetting how awesome we are, and it's so easy to forget especially when you fail. However failure is another chance at success. Everyone fails, everyone fucks up, but we have to learn from it and try a different approach next time. I say all this but I'm sure the negative self-talk will still continue, but just even typing about this is making me see some things I didn't see before. I just hope we all can be on our own sides because we have to, who else will? Our moms and dads aren't going to be there to hold us up forever, we have to learn to do it ourselves. We have to be on our side because when people come at us we have to be able to defend ourselves, because we are human. We make mistakes, and we are all going to the same place. It's tough though when you constantly see people with things that you want but think you can't have. It's all around us, everyday, which is why I want to stay inside some days and not leave my bedroom. However I get out of bed, and hope that maybe today I will figure out a different way. I am writing a book here. I know that I have to have confidence in myself and then others will follow suite. When people don't believe in you or you don't believe in yourself, remember the times when you accomplished something great. Remember that you at one point did something that made you see what you are made of, because it's not over until the cows come home, which means you can do it again!

Nov 20, 2014
by: Anonymous

Hello everyone! it's so great reading your comments you have no idea!

I've been dealing with severe tinnitus lately that makes it impossible for me to sleep at night, and i know that it's my anxiety that's allowing it, i can't relax I simply cannot, because I blame myself constantly for things I don't have control over, I almost feel like I'm doing it on purpose so I don't take a step forward in life.. I try positive thinking but it's really hard, especially at night with the tinnitus.

I blame myself for not doing anything about helpless people, people who are left alone, sad people who don't have anyone to be there for them. I live in France and it's a country where people consume a lot of anti-depression medication, because very often they are left behind by their kids and loved ones. In the beginning of my journey here as a student, I couldn't help feeling nervous at almost all times, the feeling of restlessness, and then lately it just gotten worse and worse, up to a point where my anxiety got a lot worse, the beeping inside my ears is just awful, and my heart is racing every time i think about it, how i should go out there and be there for the sad, left out people. Honestly, I tried to relax by positive thinking, like I am not God and I can't help everyone, that living my life isn't a selfish thing to do, that spending my days studying for a good life isn't selfish towards anyone, that wanting to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend isn't selfish towards people who don't have anyone for them.. It is painful really, being somehow someway convinced by it.

I try working out to reduce the anxiety, but when i push myself to sweating, the feelings just kick back up and intensify as i try to catch my breath from running, my heart is racing like crazy at that point and so I don't really feel like doing it again, I'd rather just stay at home avoiding to see people, avoiding having to face the fact that "there are" sad people around me that Im not helping out.

I feel like it's a mechanism built to stop me from moving ahead, taking care of myself and feeling good is just something I'm not allowed to do, I have no right to happiness and feeling good because well, people around me don't have access to that so why should I? this type of thinking, and then anxiety would just kick up!

I know Im not God, Im not a saint, Im a normal person sensitive and vulnerable, too vulnerable perhaps.

Any advice?

Dec 30, 2014
Meds can cause tinnitus
by: Anonymous

I read somewhere that some medications can cause tinnitus.
I was reading previous comments. I've been taking antidepressants for over 20 years. I can't count how many times I felt suicidal. Often, someone came my way: stranger, friend, etc and I got thru that bout without attempting suicide. CIts trial and error with these medications. One doesn't work for me, I'm on antidepressant, anxiety med, and mood stabilizer. I too fight that low self esteem. When I go thru something major, self doubt gets much worse. I go to talk therapy twice a week; it really helps. There are some books written by melodie Beatty that have been helpful. I pray a lot, I'm spiritual not religious. Sometimes my faith is barely there but I keep believing there is a God. As if I didn't have enough challenges, I was in serious car accident six months ago and have a brain injury. When my doctor said "you certainly didn't need a brain injury"...wow guess I am dealing with a lot. (There's more issues but I will stop there). I don't know if any of this makes sense but hopefully it may help someone.

Apr 01, 2015
I understand
by: Anonymous

I got these strong feelings at age 59, when my only child (son) was in his second year of college. Although I raised an excellent kid and have had a strong career and live in a nice house, I was waking at 5 AM in almost a panic attack, and was anxious all day.

Life deals us different body chemistries, and we can avoid lots of pain by simply eating a better diet, getting daily exercise (if only a walk), stretching, and making sure we reach out to others and make them feel appreciated.

That being said, I didn't kick out of this down period until after my second month of Wellbutrin, probably the successful and side-effect free anti-depressant on the planet. During that two month wait while the drug took full effect, my GP prescribed Xanax to decrease my anxiety. This was almost a perfect prescription for me.

If you try the Wellbutrin you may very well get power burst on Day 1, but just know that it may also increase anxiety short-term. However, after 2-8 weeks this anxiety will decrease dramatically. Now I find myself smiling spontaneously again, something I actually forgot that I had stopped doing.

Of course throw away all carbs, sugar, and white flour foods, add more veggies and protein to your diet, and drink more water. There's clear plan for beating this and I know you will. One day that switch will flip and you will start seeing the world as half full again.

Good luck!

Apr 01, 2015
Info about Wellbutrin
by: Anonymous

Interesting article about Wellbutrin.


It's about how the makers of Wellbutrin must pay $3 Billion for fraudulent sales and marketing. Yes, Billion with a B

Apr 08, 2015
Could be a sign of a deficiency
by: Anonymous

If you have anxiety and panic attacks, it could be a sign of a health issue like a vitamin B deficiency.


It says in the above article, "B vitamins and iron are particularly important for the synthesis of tryptophan into serotonin, a neurotransmitter that regulates not only mood and mental stability, but also sleep and cardiovascular function."

Worth checking if you have something like that prior to simply allowing yourself to be put on antidepressants which deplete your body even more of your necessary vitamins and minerals like Vitamin B.

Apr 09, 2015
by: Anonymous

What is the purpose of the recent comment below, to further depress and reduce options? For more info on Wellbutrin google "Wellbutrin reviews" and judge for yourself. As for the person who wrote the comment below, well, good luck with that I guess.

"Apr 01, 2015
Info about Wellbutrin
by: Anonymous

Interesting article about Wellbutrin.


It's about how the makers of Wellbutrin must pay $3 Billion for fraudulent sales and marketing. Yes, Billion with a B"

Apr 15, 2015
Getting off topic
by: Catherine - Life With Confidence

This topic is starting to veer off in a strange direction and getting off topic.

To answer your concern though, I don't think the comment was meant to hurt. I think it was meant more in a "do your research, know what you're taking, make sure it's best for you" kind of way. I'm going to see their intention as an attempt to be helpful not hurtful and let it stay.

Anyway, I would like to avoid discussing the pros or cons of specific medications here. People have very strong feelings on both sides of the fence and the conversation is just going to veer off into anger, hurt feelings, and negativity if we continue in that direction.

I want to keep these postings as a place for helpful and supportive suggestions. So, let's go back to the original topic and nip this offshoot here.

I really appreciate all the fabulous comments that have been made so far. It's really great to see how supportive and caring people can be to each other.


Jul 27, 2015
by: Anonymous

I am exactly feeling the same way, but for me this only happen when am at work, i feel bad that every lady at work can drive but i still cant drive.

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