Loss of 40+ year friendship -

How does one deal with this?

I am honestly having such a difficult time. My friendship with this lady has ended basically due to her depression and hurtful/abusive behavior toward me. Even though I had tried to be there to help her through her fight with cancer through the last year (which she had been doing well on that score - cancer free)I had been accused of not being there - twisting the truth - told I needed to prove I had said something about meeting for lunch --- on and on it goes. Now understand this is not a bad person...this is a good person going through a good deal of personal stress from many angles.

Honestly I finally said to this person I needed to have space even though it was the last thing I truely wanted....to in effect save myself if that makes any sense? It seemed the more I tried the worse it got...so...we have not had any contact in over a month.

This woman had been like a sister to me. Even though I had said I was sorry for whatever role I played to get us to such a state...I have not recieved anything like an apology...

I have been told she needs to make the next move. That she needs to work through her own issues. I worry about her though. I even now have left the door open a bit but have not gotten any responce.

My heart is breaking....I have no idea what she feels anymore...the friend I once knew would never have acted this way....but the cancer changed her and not for the better. I hear this can happen??? Some people have this response after going through this type of thing? But why do these people then shove and force those who love them away?

She won't seek help on any kind...and I've been badly bashed for suggesting it...things told to me that I had never said to her.

Sigh...any words of wisdom?

Comments for Loss of 40+ year friendship -

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Jul 01, 2012
Have patience, Be a good friend and stick with her
by: G1gyan

Believe me, depression is the worst enemy of anyone. As this lady is suffering from depression, she herself doesn't know what she is loosing (by loosing your friendship). She will definitely regret it later, but at that time she will not be in position to come back to you and say sorry.

I will suggest you to be a friend, and stick with her. You may have your own space, but still get in touch with her once in a while. She really need good friends in such state (depression and cancer).

Jul 02, 2012
I am trying
by: Anonymous

The thing is that I've been hurt by her too...but it does not seem to matter to her that she has hurt me. Having depression and cancer is terrible...but is does not give this person the OK to treat friends like she has either.

I have tried to keep a door open to her but she has not replied to me at all since I've done so.

I do thank you for your perspective...and will send a birthday card at least.

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