is it ok to dream this?

by madeleine

Seven months ago my man walked out on me after a very good 6 year living relationship. He always seemed just as happy as me in this relationship and we frequently talked about growing old together.

Seven months ago we had an argument (we did not argue frequently because he usually gave in to me) and he turned to me and said he wanted out.

I've missed him ever since. I have been battling depression and negative thoughts since he walked out and trying to find balance in a new lifestyle to suit my now much lower financial budget. I have also recently understood where I have gone wrong too - not enough to cause the end of the relationship, but enough to have put pressure in it. I also understand more than ever what a great person he was - for all his flaws.

I came across your website last week and it has been helping me a lot to dream big and stay positive. however, I find myself dreaming and staying positive by picturing us back together and by imagining, that we have both grown a lot during our separation and that he would come to realise that he really wanted to be with me.

I am afraid that by dreaming my wildest dream in the relationship area, I may be heading for disaster, if this does not happen.

Comments for is it ok to dream this?

Click here to add your own comments

Jun 12, 2008
It's totally ok
by: Catherine,

Hi Madeleine,

It's not bad or wrong to want to get back together with your ex. It's totally natural in fact. He was a big part of your life for quite a few years. It would be totally expected that you would miss him and want to get back together with him.

I think it's fantastic that you've figured out where you made mistakes in the relationship. You'll be able to use that to help you in the future.

So, it's totally okay to want to get back together with your ex but it would only work if your ex has grown too and wanted to try again. As long as you're totally focused on only wanting this one particular relationship back then you won't allow any other new ones to come in to your life. So, maybe a better way of looking at it would be to tell yourself you want another "[insert ex's name]" but better. That way you know that there were things you liked about your ex and you'd like those qualities in the next person that appears in your life but they'll also have other qualities you need (like being able to communicate when they're not happy). This way, your brain would also be open to getting back together with your ex but only if he'd grown too.

Make sure part of the reason you want the ex back isn't just because you miss the financial security. You need to be very honest with yourself as to exactly why you want the relationship back.

A book you might find really interesting to read is, "The 7 Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make" by Carolyn N. Bushong. She actually talks about a relationship very similar to yours in her book. It's a great book and gives you so much valuable information as to what's really happening in relationships. I think you'd really like it.

So, I think you might find it easier to focus on what you want and need in a relationship more than the actual person. Hope that makes sense.

Jun 13, 2008
by: Madeleine

thank you so much, Ms make so much must be a very special person xx

Jun 17, 2008
be a little selfish
by: Anna

HI Madelain

I just read your message and it is important that during this time you have been doing some good thinking, but may be what you miss is not him, is someone to be there for you and yes of course you still love him, but sometimes is not only love, is to be used to the other person and having him around. I only have one advise and it is to take time for your self. To think about what you want to do with your life because the problem when ending a relationship, is that sometimes we are so frails that we miss what we had even if it was not very good. We miss being loved and looked after, even if it was not exactly like that therefore a)either we go back to where we were, and the think is that as Catherine said, if he has not grown and realised what went wrong and he is not ready to give it another go, then get back together may be a mistake and a delusion for you, or b) we move forward and give ourselves sometimes to understand what we want from our life and what we are prepared to give to other people. Enjoy the time you have for your self and try and learn from your mistakes as take everything on board. We are all different and sooner or later we all find our soul mate!
6 years into a relationship is a very long time, and it will take time for you to feel better and find new interests, but be positive because as Catherine says there are many ways to gain your self confidence. SO I wish you lot of luck and if it is your true love and he to wants you back then in Italy we say " se son rose fioriranno" which means " if they are rose they will blossom" otherwise move forward and try to remember the good things about the relationship and the bad things use them to improve your self and not make the same errors in your next relationship... good luck

Jun 18, 2008
by: Anonymous

thank you, Anna...yes I do miss being loved...he was very loving and used to make me laugh a lot...but I do understand what you are saying...I am using this time to try and find myself too....dreaming big and focusing on positive thoughts is helping a lot.... xx

Jun 18, 2008
by: Anna

Good.. be positive.. you'll see once you are free you'll want to keep flying and when you are not looking, love will find you . . . it always works xxxx...

Jun 19, 2008
hee hee
by: Anonymous

I am looking forward to that!!!


Jul 18, 2008
it's really good
by: Anonymous

ya, it's really good site. congrats that you have grabbed the attention of a very straight persons attention. for the society this type of site it's really needed. really with this i can expect a less _____ cases hence forth. good going. keep it up.

Feb 17, 2011
To All Those Whom Might Or Do Miss Their Ex
by: Read Carefully!

Love Is Like A Multiple Choice Test. What I Mean By That Is YOU And Only You Need To Figure Out What And Why This Works Best For Me When It Comes To Even Thinking About Giving Your Ex Another Chance With Giving Them Your Heart.

Read The Following:

*1 WHY should I consider giving things another chance?
*2 Do I Love him enough to give him my heart back again?
*3 How do I let my guard back down again?
*4 Why do I Love him still and if he loves me still figure out why and him saying "Because I just do" is NOT a good enough answer!
*5 Make sure you know how you truly feel about him or her before you go and confront them.
*6 Write yourself a list of pros and cons about your relationship with him that will tell you exactly an idea of what or why you miss him so much.
*7 Make sure he or she knows their feelings back after confronting their direct feelings to them before you go further back into the relationship the two of you once had.
*8 Chemistry is a MUST when it comes to getting back together!
*9 If you keep that wall up so high and have your heart guarded only you are to blame for the what ifs since your not being true to them or yourself!
*10 Lastly EVERYTHING in our life happens for reason and sometimes those reasons we will NEVER know! So cherish all you have in your lives and count all your blessings. Life is to short to dwell over things that cannot be fixed! God Bless

Submitted Anonymously

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Confidence Help. Protection Status