I just don't feel like I ever fit in

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I just don't feel like I ever fit in

I am so sick of feeling like the odd person out ALL the time. Ever since I was little I just never felt like I fit in and always felt like the odd man/woman out. If there is a group of any kind; from bible study groups to 12 step groups I have attended to dinner parties at a friends house I always feel like the odd person out. I never feel like I belong or am included no matter how hard I try. It's so frustrating because I have been going to Al-Anon for 5 years now to deal with my AA husband and I STILL feel left out and out of place in the meetings. Some people that have said hi to me 5 years ago when I started don't even look at me when I come in the room. What did I do to them? Nothing! If I am sitting in a meeting in progress and someone comes in late if there is a chair right next to me or one across the room they will pick the chair across the room. I am a reasonably attractive woman (who showers regularly) and "think" I look approachable but could I really be giving off such a bad vibe than no one even wants to sit next to me? I try to say hi and include myself but it's so painful and frustrating to feel left out.

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I just don't feel like I ever fit in

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Sep 28, 2009

Why don't I fit in?
by: Catherine, www.Life-With-Confidence.com

Hi,

I can totally understand what you're saying and how painful and frustrating it is. I went through the same thing for the longest time.

There's actually a number of different ways of thinking about this issue so I've put together some thoughts on this page:

Why Don't I Fit In?

It was too much information to fit in these comment fields. So, have a look and if you have any questions or want to go through it in more detail, just let me know.

Feb 13, 2010

trying hard
by: Latasha Hall

Hi, My Name is Latasha Hall, I Having issues with this one sport, and well I keep getting stressed out about not trying to well with something that been in Bowling, I know I want to get better at my hand movements, instead of getting mad or trying not to give up. How do I get better at bowling without giving up or Try my best to get even high in my Score? I really am given it 100% percent, nothing works for me. I really do good with singing in church, but bowling is my Problem. How do I Can better at bowling when I'm not mad or negative?

Mar 28, 2010

Problems with Assertiveness
by: Shawn

I have major problems with being assertive. I always ask questions to people about possible choices I need to make (even some of the most trivial ones)before taking the step to make the choice; sometimes the choice does not ever get made, and I end up just procrastinating.

I work as a teacher and this effects my work life as well because I have difficulty planning lessons. I usually will be "flying by the seat of my pants" each day with little or no plans available. Furthermore, I work with many classes as a traveling teacher with three schools so because of my lack of planning or choices with lessons I end up forgetting what I have taught to the classes I work with and do not remember if I taught them a concept or not. I find it so hard to move forward sometimes, my lack of assertiveness definitely gets in the way of my day to day life.

Any advice would be very much appreciated..

Mar 30, 2010

Organization
by: Anonymous

Hey Shawn,

Sounds like you need organizational or time management help more than assertiveness.

Check out some teacher planning sites and see if they have some ideas that could help you. Like this one: http://www.brighthub.com/education/k-12/articles/5490.aspx Set up your own spreadsheets and then after your class, jot down what you taught that day. Then, you'll know exactly what you taught the previous time you were there. If you follow the spreadsheet suggestion in the above link, you'll also have planned what you're going to teach each time you go as well so you can prepare for your lessons before you even get there.

You'll feel so much more confident about yourself because you're in control and you're not flying by the seat of your pants anymore.

Apr 08, 2010

RE: Thanks
by: Anonymous

Holy Mother, this site is wonderful. I had to Google 'Why Don't I Fit In' tonight, and after reading a bunch of articles here - I felt that they were written just for me. Great advice for me to start living by. Thank You!

Aug 06, 2010

I feel so alone
by: Anonymous

I have been feeling like an outsider for a very long time. I am not the most socialble person and I find it hard to strike up conversation with my co workers. When I am at work no one seems to talk to me, they dont include me in there coversations, and When I try to join in people just talk over me like I am not even there. Its not a good feelling at all. I dont have any friends at all, so I am always alone. Its really difficult for me.

Aug 09, 2010

Fitting in
by: Shawn

There seems to be something you are giving off to people that they are not taking you seriously. It seems like they probably sense your insecurity and that can make people uncomfortable. You need to start pretending you are a very confident person (think of it like an acting exercise). After a while you will notice that you will gain a greater sense of confidence and people in your office will surely give you more respect. I really hope you can achieve this goal, you will be much happier and start to gain a sense of acceptance and an improved social life will follow. Good luck and be patient because it will take time.

Best, Shawn

Sep 09, 2010

Walked on.
by: Anonymous

I never fit in anywhere. It doesn't matter whether its at work, church, or family gatherings.
Even when I'm in public or going to buy something the cashiers are always frowning at me & biligerent with me. The prior or next customer they will smile & be happy with. Sometimes people will even take a pot shot at me to put me down so they can have everyone laugh at me. I never reply back or am rude. I don't do anything to hurt people at all. In fact I'm pretty quiet & humble almost all the time. When I do speak up it's well are you getting angry? It's like they want to provoke me to anger just so they can embaress me even more. I'am a very patient fellow. Even when I'm with my wife they will talk directly with my wife & won't even acknowledge that I'm even there at all. Even to the point they will look rudely at me as though whatever you are going to say it's meaningless or like why are you even here. People will ask me who are these people you say socially outcast you? I try to explain what they are doing but they don't believe me or get it because they never have experienced it. People will say its all my own perception of the situation or you need more confidence. Or its you need to be more social. Hmmmm, lets see here how can I feel secure being trashed on or embaressed, but not yet speak up? Or better yet be social when they try to cut me off or walk on me. Sometimes I think the only way is to just disappear from society & hide into the mountians for the rest of my life. Sound like I'm being negative but at after 37 years of this it's getting really old.

Sep 09, 2010

Try speaking first
by: Catherine

Hi Anonymous,

The next time you're about to pay for an item, before she/he can say anything to you, look the cashier in the eye and say, "Hi, how are you?" or "Hi, looks like you're really busy today." Say it in a genuine, friendly way. Smile a genuine smile. Be happy to see this person who is about to serve you. And, then let me know what the reaction was.

My guess is that for whatever reason, when people first see you, they get the impression that you're angry. Whether you are or not, that's what they're picking up from you. So, when the person is about to serve you, you look angry and they don't know if you're angry about waiting in line or what. But, they think you're going to yell at them or complain to them. So, they're instantly on the defensive. Same when you're with your wife. You look angry so the person doesn't know if they've done something to upset you. If they say something to you, are you going to be nasty to them? That's what they're afraid of. So, if you speak first in a friendly way, you totally dispel the impression that you're angry. They'll know that you're not.

You may have gotten to the point where you assume the cashier is going to be rude to you so you give off a very defensive, angry vibe before they even serve you. And, that's what they'll be picking up on.

It'll also be much more difficult for someone to respond negatively to you if you're being friendly first. Think about how you feel when someone is genuinely happy to see you. Doesn't it make you feel good? That's what you need to be doing to those people you meet along the way. Brighten their day in just some small way. You'll probably be amazed at the difference in response that you get just by doing something simple like that. You'll make them feel like they're finally appreciated by at least one of the hundreds of people they have to serve every day.

But, mostly, my guess is that they think you're angry so you need to let them know you're not right away. By being silent and not saying anything probably actually contributes to the impression that you're angry and about to snap at them. So, say hello, be friendly and I bet you'll find that people respond to you completely differently. Let them know you're happy to see them.

Oct 05, 2010

yes
by: Anonymous

for the last week,I havnt got dressed,I have come to the point where I have had enough of hurtful situations.I can't see the blessings out there,can only see the blessings here at home.
I am snappy and tearful.I have an mri scan coming up,I am going by myself,my partner has to stay with the animals and kiddies,there's no one close to help us,no one to help with the kids.
both sides our parents were mean and put us both down.we are now at a point where we have had enough.
I homeschool the kids,I am turning inwards more and more each day.
the things that used to sooth me,chocolate,take away etc etc,no longer helps.
all I wanna do is stay in do nothing,but curl up and wish I was being held.
I know I will come through this,as I have before but,well,just needed to share.
thanksxxx

Oct 21, 2011

Left out all of the time
by: Anonymous

I go to work everyday being left out and ignored. I talk to my coworkers and it is like I am not even there. I come up with smart suggestions and they are ignored every time. Why is it that I get treated this way. I want to quit but don't have any other job to go to. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way.

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I just don't feel like I ever fit in

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I just don't feel like I ever fit in