flirting

by anilda
(Tirane,Albania)

Some people, sometime like an unknown person, when their partner is near him,and sofer for him. Why happens that?

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Visitor's Comments
Date: March 25, 2008
Posted By: Catherine, www.Life-With-Confidence.com

Hi Anilda,

I'm not totally clear on your question but I'm going to guess that you're finding that your partner is flirting with others even when you're around and you want to know why that happens and possibly what to do about it. Let me know if I haven't got it right.

So, there's a few ways you could look at this. The first is that it could tell you a lot about your partner. It may tell you that he's not ready to fully commit to you. Or he might not even be aware that he's doing this and that it hurts you.

Would you be able to let him know that it bothers you when he flirts with others? You don't need to accuse him of anything or yell at him. You could tell him something like, "I like it when you pay attention to me and not others when we're together" or "Would you mind not flirting with others when I'm here?" Then, see how he responds. It's a really positive thing in a relationship when you can talk to your partner about issues and not let them fester under the surface. Also, if you can discuss the issue with him then you're not guessing as to why he's doing it. He will also know how you feel and will hopefully change his actions out of respect for you.

The second thing is that it could be telling you a lot about yourself. If you have doubts about yourself and wonder if you're pretty enough or smart enough or good enough to be with your boyfriend, then whenever they happen to glance at someone else, you might suddenly feel very jealous. This could be a great opportunity for you to take a look at your feelings and figure out why you have doubts about yourself. Once you become aware of those self doubts you can work on healing them. Or sometimes, even just the awareness of knowing that your jealousy is coming from something that happened in the past, will allow you to detach from the emotion and just let it go.

I wrote an article about dealing with jealousy that might help you as well. You can find it here.

People are only triggers for your emotions. What I mean by that is someone doesn't make you jealous or make you mad. When you feel jealous or mad, your emotions are responding to an event. It's just an event until you decide what it means. It could be a good situation, a bad one, or you might remain completely indifferent to it. You choose how to respond to the situation. So, what might make one person mad might not affect someone else at all. Your reaction is entirely up to you. So, pay attention to your reaction to certain events. It tells you a lot about yourself and what's really going on.

I hope that helps. As I said, if I've got it wrong, just let me know.