Feeling Down

by Lizzie
(South Australia)

I just read your web page and found it close to the truth. I am constantly put down by my husband. I cannot remember a time that I did anything right or pleasing. I am called something everyday for example, Monday night I was a mental patient, Tuesday this week I was a dickhead. Wednesday I was an idiot. etc... That is all my husband ever does. I work and clean and cook with no help but I never do anything right. I feel I cannot be normal and always have heartburn and depression due to a empty lonely feeling.

Your report sounds interesting. The one thing you have not covered is the silent treatment given to people. My husband whispers to others when I am in the room. I have tried for years to put on a confident face, but the aggressive behavior and words from him is getting worse. I have no where to run and why should I be the one to run? I have done nothing wrong! If I have what is it? I wonder what will happen in the future? I just like to hide from the world. I use to talk to my dog but she died recently.
Do get many people with the same symptoms? I think the silent treatment is one of the worst treatments. I do not have much money so cannot go anywhere and he knows it.
Thanks for the article.
Kind regards,

Comments for Feeling Down

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Feb 16, 2010
Pray in the silence..
by: Anonymous

Just pray, because God is always near you..God understands us more than we though..Just close your eyes in silence and pour your tears..read his word in Bible...He will strengthen you..and also pray for your husband..

Dec 02, 2008
Are you being a friend to yourself?
by: Catherine

Hi "Being Abused By A Friend",

You sound like such a great friend in that you want to be so loyal to your friend. But, here's a question for you. Are you being a good friend to yourself by letting her abuse you?

I understand why you want to be there for her but you need to maintain your own boundaries as well. Let her know that her behaviour towards you is not acceptable. You don't even have to be mean about it. Just when she puts you down, say something like, "Please don't say things like that to me." Then, she knows it's not right to treat a friend like that. Otherwise, you're telling her that it's fine (your not speaking up says to her that's it's fine) that she does that and it's not fine. You deserve to be treated with respect.

If the friendship is hurting you by eroding your self esteem then it's not a good friendship. A true friendship has two sides to it. It's not just you being the good friend and her doing whatever she wants. Yes, she may be going through a bad time with her husband but that doesn't give her the right to abuse you. She needs to treat you with respect. She wants you to treat her with respect so she should do the same with you. That's what friends do. They treat each other with respect.

Please don't let your friends abuse you in the thought that you're being a good friend. You need to be a good friend to yourself as well.

You would be there to support her if she needed it. She doesn't need support in abusing you so don't let her do that to you.

Dec 01, 2008
Abused by a friend
by: Anonymous

I am going through the same thing now, not as extreme, by a friend in that type of relationship. I am to blame for anything that goes wrong concerning the way I am treated by her. She says hurtful things to me and places blame on me for speaking up about her actions. She is treated with verbal abuse by her husband and tries to control me with affection. She knows that I am her friend so, she later wants to forget about everything said or done to make ammends. I sometimes want to walk away but know that she needs my friendship. I would never want someone to turn their back to me in my time of need. It's hard to give up on her even when I am hurting.

Nov 18, 2008
Know how you feel
by: Anonymous

I have found this interesting to read, I have the misfortune in having a husband who name calls and horrible names at that, has no care, compassion of feelings whatsoever. He makes me so cross I raise my voice although I try not to then he calls me motormouth. I cannot just walk away from him but dearly wish I could he has destroyed my life completely. He knows when he has done wrong then just buys me expensive gifts that I have no desire for as all I want is LOVE and peace. I feel for others but feel glad I am not the only one

Nov 16, 2008
ME TOO....
by: Formally known as Mrs Lyall (New South Wales)

I too experienced the same thing from my ex-husband for many years he had a new name for me every day of the week, but the names that were inflicted upon me are too disgusting to mention. It was a constant barrage of foul names n insults reinforcing to me daily how I was a failure in everyway as a person/woman/wife/ mother/lover. He finally left,that was 3 years ago at the time I was totally devastated after 20 years I knew no different. I was lost without that constant attack (Go figure). He used to recite to me passages out of a book the "Art of War" n other readings of that nature, he always told me the strategy to destroy a person in every sense of the word was to slowly "chip away at the corners" eventually there would be nothing left, never realising thats what was happening to me. After 3 years now and much help from Counsellors n other support groups I have finally regained some self esteem and am able to function in the world. Slowly regaining control of myself with a good support network of friends, a good job, n my children r happy. I cant say its been easy it been a very challenging time n at times facing the world was so incredibly difficult, its hard to let go of that negative thought pattern which I developed during my marriage from constantly being told I was worthless. I dont have a personal relationship with a man yet have been very apprehensive, but feel now within myself i'm ready to trust again. As tough as the road ahead may seem you will find the journey rewarding n be a better person for it when you finally reach your destination, dont give up on yourself, never stop loving you, n always remember there's good in everybody.. even you!!

Oct 10, 2008
by: Anonymous

I am sooooooooo sorry to hear about how your husband treats you. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. My heart goes out to you because I have a 23 year old daughter, married to a 34 year old, that has verbally abused almost the whole 2 years that they have been married. He has told her that it was his car and his house and that he did not need her to cook and clean for him because he did that before he married her. He doesn't want her on the phone when he is around. He likes to provoke her by teasing their 1 year old daughter. He kisses the baby but not her. He wants the house neat and clean and toys put away. She is not physically able to tend to a baby, clean the house and have his food ready and his clothes ironed. Yet he does not want anyone in his house when he is not there neither does he want anyone in his house when he is there.

Aug 07, 2008
Beligerent Husband
by: Ginny

I'm sorry to hear that your life is so difficult, certainly it was not meant to be that way. Have you thought about joining a church and attending it by yourself if need be? That way you could make other friends and at least have some fellowship with others. The other idea I have is for you to stand up for yourself and tell him that you don't appreciate his remarks. If he doesn't have anything nice to say, then don't speak at all.

Good Luck

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