(New York State)
I need help. My sister is killing me. I love her to death, but I can't take it anymore.
My sister has had more than her share of bad luck and I mean bad. It started 17 years ago when her 17 year old son was killed in a motorcycle accident. After that came divorce (I think because of different grieving processes), then breast cancer. Understandibly she is a very negative person...But...it has overflowed to me. For years I spent every Wednesday with her just letting her cry over her son, trying to comfort her. That eventually lessesened and pretty soon she was complaining about EVERYTHING. This was wrong, that was wrong and then bang! Divorce. Then after that, breast cancer. I have done everything I can think of to make her feel better. Listened to her, bought her presents, stayed the weekend with her many, many times.
3 years ago I had my own travisty. My 16 year relationship with the love of my life ended with him cheating. But this isn't about that.
My sister called one day to complain as usual and I lost it because I hadn't told anybody about my own breakup. I cried and cried and told her this was about me today. She was pretty good for a while, but it's all back to her world crashing around her. I can't take it anymore.
It's been 17 years since the loss of her son, 10 years since her divorce and 8 years since her cancer recovery.
I'm trying to desperately to move on with my own life. I can't fix hers. She won't even try. I'm afraid I'm going to end up hating her. I even tried telling her she could complain for 10 minutes only then we had to change the subject, but that doesn't work.
How do I move on with MY life without hurting her feelings. Sometimes I wish I lived on the other side of the country. I need help! She's pulling me right down with her. I'm working so hard to rebuild my life and confidence and self-esteem and then she calls and it all comes crashing down. What can I do?