Blamer = My mother
(Atlanta, GA, US)
You have described my mother. I have been her victim for years...the lies, the deceit, extreme negativity, all of it. It was exhausting to deal with before I learned how to cope with her and her recruits (sister- in-law, nieces, brother, aunts, cousins, and sometimes my father).
My mother has won recruits by telling them that I have said something horrible about them or I don't like them. In other words, she lied. She has probably chosen to do that because lying to me about them or telling me they hate me does not work. "Why?" seems to be her Achilles. She does not know how to answer when I ask her "why". She blows off the question and walks away/hangs up. That's just one tactic of dealing with her.