40 year Friendship Over
I have known my sister-in-law for 40 years. She has been my sister-in-law for 30. Friends since childhood. She introduced me to my now husband 30 years ago. She planned my wedding, I would wear her dress, she called the Preacher that she had, she was making all the arrangements.My husband and I decided we did not want that and skipped out to Clintwood, Virginia and got married for $25 bucks, that is a deal, I don't care what anyone says. So when we got back and told everyone, she stopped talking to us. It hurt me bad because I was young and I "needed friends". Well, my husband patched everything up. We were both pregnant.
Now that the kids are grown, we were going to West Virginia with them to their cabin. My husband kept telling me, this is going to end up biting us in the butt. It did. There were red flags everywhere. I ignored them because I loved my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. Trust your gut. We went down to the cabin one day by ourselves and there was a for sale sign in the yard. they never told us. They were upset because we were not cutting the grass, fixing the roof, taking care of the place. I thought they invited us to have fun, I was wrong.(Don't get me wrong, we did help with everything including food) You see, she has been verbally and physically abused by her husband, and she needs some sort of peace, so she works herself to death and expects the same from all of us. She is controlling and domineering and all the while being very polite about it, you know something is wrong, you just cannot put your finger on it.
They sold the cabin. I was going to have a 50th birthday party for my husband, she started making all the plans with her brothers and sisters. Not mine, not my side of the family, but her side of the family, she is not married to my husband, I am. She told me on the phone that I was the reason they sold the cabin, I was hurt really bad, I had no idea, so I never called her to cancel my husbands party, that is all it took, she will have nothing to do with me. She told my best friend I did not want to be around people. I never said that, she had a need to blame someone other than herself. I feel sorry for her, but we will never be friends again. I suffered depression from hearing all of her bad days and how everything was bad for her, and how she was suffering, and all the while my self esteem was drained. Now that her and I do not talk, I went back, got my certificates to be a caretaker for MR/DD people..which is quite rewarding. I have no stress, I work full time, my husband and I are planning trips. Life has never been better for me since I am no longer around her. It should have been done along time ago, after I caught her in lies, and manipulations. I will not allow people to do that to me again. I am 50 now, and I have a lot more experience now. My in-laws will not help you if you need food, but they want handouts, they will take from you if it means they will look good. I am so glad I have a new found confidence, and I can actually talk to my Lord now without feeling bad. It feels so good to be happy...I still have pity for her, but no relationship...and that I have accepted. I just needed to vent somewhere, and I thank you for letting me do so.
May 7, 2008Posted by:
Hello Ann and thank you for sharing your story. You've been through a lot but you haven't let it destroy you. You've become stronger for having gone through it.
I hope you can see that your sister in law's actions speak volumes about her and how she feels about herself. When she criticized you, she was really talking about herself. Her comments come from her place of fear, insecurity and unhappiness. Most likely she feels powerless in the situation she's in and the only way she thinks she can gain some power is by taking it all out on you or blaming you for the negative things in her life. She's letting herself be a victim and not taking responsibility for her own life.
It takes a lot of courage to let go of a relationship that you've had for such a long time. Good for you in being able to let something that wasn't working for you, go.
I'm glad your husband is so understanding and realizes that it's his sister's attitude that's the problem and not you. It says a lot of good things about your husband as well.
You two are doing fantastic and I think you should be very proud of yourself.
It truly is better to let the negative people out of your life. You don't need them and you are better off without them.
Thank you for sharing your story. I think it will also help a lot of other people in the same situation.